6 Reasons Why You Could Be Scaring Your Dates Away By Renee Slansky
No one wants to be rejected. It’s not something we set out to do when we date, yet it is also something very likely to happen.
However, we have to get to a point where we can’t just keep blaming the people we are dating. After all, we are also responsible for the part we play in the date as well.
TBH, we are the common denominator in our life and therefore it is up to us to first take responsibility for what we can do and who we can be before we start trying to change or blame everyone else.
If we are scaring potential partners away before we have even had a chance to really get to know them (and they to know us) , then we have to ask ourselves what exactly are we doing wrong?
When we can work out where we self-sabotage our chances at love, we are able to focus on building a solution so we can break the negative cycle.
So, let’s look at 5 possible reasons why your dates are doing the runner:
1: You come across too strong too soon
When we are first getting to know someone, regardless of how we feel about them, we still need to keep things at a balanced pace. Coming on too fast and hard will only scare them away because they will feel a pressure to feel and act the same way. Don’t be so eager to rush something or give away too much, when you are still getting to know that person and build trust.
2: You aren’t keeping some mystery about yourself
When we are too available or leave no element of surprise for our dates, it becomes predictable and boring. Try and keep some mystery about yourself whilst getting to know one another. This isn’t about playing games or putting up walls, but rather allowing time to be the way in which they get to discover more about you.
3: You’re too focused on the commitment
It’s hard not to go into a date wondering if the person is someone who values commitment. But when we become so focused on the end result, rather than staying present and getting to know that person without a label, we ruin the chance of being able to build something with them at all.
4: You don’t present a challenge.
Whether it’s because you are nervous, lack confidence or easily lose your identity when you date someone, this won’t help you in the long run. It’s not about having invincible armour and bravado, but rather understanding your value and purpose outside a relationship. When we have a clear perception of who we are and what we bring to the table, it means we are able to keep a strong sense of identity in a relationship. Which essentially helps to create healthy challenges and growth. Don’ t be a doormat, own who you are!
5: You allow your insecurities to get in the way
If you have been hurt in the past, be careful not to punish your future dates with your past baggage. Letting someone in again always involves some sort of risk. That’s why it’s important to date someone who ideally will love you the right way. However, we also must make sure that we don’t allow our fears control our actions so much so that it puts walls between the people we date.
6: You aren’t sending out the right signals
Sometimes we just expect people to be mind-readers, or we assume that the effort we make our enough to send the right signals. But if we do not communicate clearly how we are feeling or what we are thinking, then the person we are dating could take it as a lack of interest. Make sure you aren’t being so guarded that you push your dates away .
Who is The Dating Directory?
Renee Slansky is an dating expert, relationship coach, speaker,author and founder of Australia’s number 1 dating and relationship blog The Dating Directory. Her advice can often be seen on some of the largest publications and sites worldwide such as The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Your Tango and Elite Daily. As Channel 7’s go-to dating commentator , Renee is all about real talk about real issues of modern dating.
Her teachings are based off experiences and observations, while her writings offer a witty and relative outlook with practical advice on life and romance in the 21st century.