10 Major Red Flags To Look For By Renee Slansky
Why is it that we seem to be the last one to see the red flags before everyone else? Are we in denial or have we just become blinded by our feelings? It’s not easy admitting that the person you were hoping to commit to, could in fact turn out to be incredibly toxic.
Dating can feel like a minefield. Just when we think we have met someone who is perfect for us, they start acting a little out of character. Those little red flags and warning signs start to flash. Are you overreacting or are they really not the right person for you?
Whilst love doesn’t come with a strict manual and people don’t come with neon signs above their heads, I do believe there are 10 key signs to look out for.
1: They are inconsistent
A major red flag is someone who is always changing depending on how they feel, who they are around or what is happening in their life that day. Date someone who is consistent in their character, actions, words and behaviours towards you. It means you will have more stability and will be able to rely on them.
2: You are unhappy and it’s harder than it should be
If you are unhappy and your relationship feels like an uphill battle, then get out. Yes, great relationships take hard work, but they aren’t meant to be a constant struggle. And you should be feeling happy and joyful most of the time.
3: You feel like you are walking on eggshells around them
Your relationship should be a safe haven, not a place of anxiety and stress. If you have to tread lightly because you either fear their reaction, don’t want to upset them or can’t be yourself, then that is not healthy or normal.
4: There is no peace
If you don’t feel peace, then why are you with them? Healthy relationships will have conflict and tough seasons but there will always be underlying peace.
5: There is no progress
Are you going around in circles? Not getting anywhere or having the same discussions over and over again? Don’t be fooled, you should be moving forward, no matter how slow.
6: They don’t want to publicly commit to you
Are they hiding your relationship in public or on social media? There is a big difference between keeping things private and purposely denying your existence in their life.
7: They are always on the defensive when you bring up something
If you can’t address something without them jumping down your throat, then it’s time to reassess. You should be able to keep them accountable to their behaviour, word and actions without being attacked. If they can’t take responsibility for their role or you can’t talk about what’s on your heart and mind, then chances are they are guilty of something.
8: They blame you for everything
Otherwise known as another form of emotional blackmail. If this person is shifting the blame to you even when it is blatantly their fault or they are playing the victim, then hello major red flag! You should not be made to feel guilty for things you haven’t done.
9: They never keep their promises
If their words don’t line up with their actions, or they are constantly making excuses for why they can’t follow through with their promises, then pack your bags. Someone who loves you will make sure that their word is their word. You won’t have to nag, and you will be able to trust that what they say, they mean.
10: You feel unsafe in their company
Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated. If you feel threatened or unsafe in their company, then get out. Do not give them a second chance, abuse is not love. Your relationship should make you feel safe physically, mentally and emotionally.
And don’t forget that whilst things may not have worked out, it is better to be single and wait for someone who is worthy rather than stay in a toxic and destructive relationship.
Who is The Dating Directory?
Renee Slansky is an dating expert, relationship coach, speaker,author and founder of Australia’s number 1 dating and relationship blog The Dating Directory. Her advice can often be seen on some of the largest publications and sites worldwide such as The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Your Tango and Elite Daily. As Channel 7’s go-to dating commentator , Renee is all about real talk about real issues of modern dating.
Her teachings are based off experiences and observations, while her writings offer a witty and relative outlook with practical advice on life and romance in the 21st century.